It’s that wonderful holiday season, and it’s not only Good King Wenceslas who’s in the seasonal mood. Over at the Joffrey of Podcasts podcast, the esteemed Lannister-Loving (Double El) hosts produced an excellent version of the Twelve Days of Christmas, celebrating King Joffrey’s interests, hobbies, and circumstances.
Here’s the final verse:
On the Twelfth Day of Winter, King Joffrey Gave to Me
- 12 Heads on Pikes
- 11 Newborn Kittens
- 10 Missing Fingers
- 9 Hours of Torture
- 8 More Bastard Brothers
- 7 Bastard Brothers
- 6 Milk of the Poppies
- 5 Arrow-Ridden Whores
- 4 Foot Tall Uncle
- 3 Dead Starks
- 2 Fiancees
- and a Dead… Butcher’s Boy.
I think the song is great, and I really enjoyed hearing them sing the song on their holiday special podcast. But, and this will probably bring down King Joffrey’s goldcloaks on me, I have a few substitutions that I like better. Verses 5, 6, and 11 are pretty good (the kittens are a pretty dark reference from the books), but I humbly suggest these variants:
- 11 Scarlet Smiles
- 6 Poppies Milking
- 5 Golden Crowns
The red smile that King Joffrey wanted to give Uncle Stannis speaks for itself, “Poppies Milking” has the right cadence as the original, and even though golden crowns are associated with Viserys, it fits the original so well. And you just know His Grace would enjoy pouring Lannister gold on traitors if the notion came to him.
Look, if you just listen to one Game of Thrones related podcast, it should obviously be A Cast of Kings with David Chen and Joanna Robinson.
But if you can manage two podcasts, then certainly add in the Beyond the Wall podcast from SpecFicMedia.
But if you can only listen to three Game of Thrones podcasts, then by all means, go check out The Joffrey of Podcasts. Especially if you want to hear a podcast from the Lannister point of view.
Don’t trust Littlefinger, but trust me.
Image from the Joffrey of Podcasts, obviously.
I make no claim to the artwork, nor to the original lyrics for the Joffrey of Podcasts Twelve Days of Winter. Bubba and Catfish were truly cool to let me post their lyrics. I hope you folks go check them out.
© Patrick Sponaugle 2013 Some Rights Reserved