Thoughts on the Final Season of True Blood

Posted: June 3, 2014 by patricksponaugle in Opinion, TV
Tags: , , , , , ,

In a couple weeks (after the Game of Thrones finale) HBO’s sexy and messy supernatural drama, True Blood, will return for its final season. true-blood-header
(Oh yeah, SPOILERS for past seasons of True Blood.)

My friends over at Geek Girl Soup asked some of their associates (including me!) for thoughts and predictions about the final season of True Blood. I cobbled together twenty one predictions.

I have a much longer post expanding on my thoughts for the upcoming season over at my other blog where I do all my super-rambly pretentious articles. Just in case you have nothing else to do. Ever.

Rather than have you stare at that wall of text, here’s the short list, the Too Long; Didn’t Read version.

Predictions:

Anewracewalksamongus

  • The feral vampires from the end of last season will only be a problem for the first half of this final season.
  • Sookie won’t end up with Bill, Eric, Alcide, or Sam.
sam-the-slayer

Sam the Slayer

  • Sam will kill at least one supernatural creature that isn’t a vampire, werewolf, shifter, or maenad.
  • We won’t see Sookie in her waitress outfit more than two episodes (if at all!)

TrueBloodSeason7keyartheadlinecropAnnaPaquinLSHBO_top_story

  • Despite the promo picture of Sookie crying blood, she will not be turned into a vampire this season.
  • In the second half of the season, someone from a new Authority will have a meeting with Bill.
True-Blood-4.01-3

Worst Renaissance Festival Ever

  • Those really ugly faeries from a few seasons ago (the evil ones who were trying to keep Sookie from returning to the real world) will be back.
  • Eric isn’t dead, but he was badly hurt by the flames and had to take his sweet time recovering. (This is perhaps the easiest prediction to make.)
  • Jason’s vampire mistress/enslaver will get staked.
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Awwwwww… ❤ ❤ ❤

  • Jason and Jessica will end up together.
  • Pam, Tara, and Hoyt’s mom will die. (Not necessarily together, or for the same reasons. I’m just dropping the boom on some characters.)
true1_14050460

Best Character Ever

  • Lafayette will use his powers to talk to Terry Bellefleur.
  • Lafayette will survive the season.
  • Hoyt will return to Bon Temps.
true-blood_0

Biggest Hair Ever

  • Sarah Newlin will not survive the season as a human, so she’ll either be killed or turned.
  • Any plot involving werewolves will be super-boring, unless the werewolves are killing feral vampires.
  • Andy Bellefleur will end up with a human wife and a fae wife.
  • At the very end of the season, there won’t be any vampires anymore (or the active vampire population will be a number on the decline.)
  • Why so few vampires? I’m predicting a cure for vampirism.
  • If there is a cure for vampirism, faerie blood will end up being the key.
  • If not a cure, then there will be a vampire retreat from human society. (Hedging my bets, yo.)

Some of these things are items I just want to see, some I’ve given some thought to, and some are just crackpotty to fill out the list. After the season’s over, we’ll see how well I scored.

Jason-Stackhouse-true-blood-2752395-500-268

That’s a Lot of Words. Did He Say “Score” ?

(Not in a Jason Stackhouse manner of scoring.)

 


Images from HBO’s True Blood.

I make no claims to the images, but some claims to the text here. So there.

© Patrick Sponaugle 2014 Some Rights Reserved

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Comments
  1. I was a massive fan of the show for the first three seasons. Then one evening, I looked at an episode awash with fae, vampires, werewolves, shifters and werepanthers and thought ‘This is getting far fetched’. Sometimes I have that with shows, a desire to check out before I overstay my welcome. I won’t watch the final season, I miss it, for certain characters and also because it does have one of the most beautiful looking casts on TV which is always appealing for television.

    Like

    • I won’t imply that it got any better… but I can’t stop watching it. It’s totally a guilty pleasure for my wife and I. I do think the idea is interesting, but it’s the craziness and admittedly gratuitous stuff that entertains me, the drama doesn’t really engage.

      But I really like some of the characters, and I’m glad to see them showcased, even if the show is kind of cheap and tawdry.

      (Not trying to pick a fight with anyone who really likes it, I understand.)

      Like

  2. What about being Crazy Crystal the Werepanther?

    Like

  3. Bob Tarr says:

    Your predictions for the final season of True Blood have been entered into the Sacred Book of Jason and Jessica. And I hereby nominate myself as your official prediction scorer.

    Phellorian

    Like

    • The other peasants might not be aware of this, but Phellorian there is the master of Making Game of Thrones Predictions. (Masterwork being defined in this case as the willingness to make a mind bogglingly large number of intricate and detailed predictions. Accuracy is not really the issue.)

      Right on! I look forward to the scoring at the end of the season!

      Like

  4. Alright, True Blood is now off-the-air. I’ll post a self-scoring of my predictions (with generous partial-credit BECAUSE) soon.

    Like

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