I Can't Possibly Be Wrong All the Time

After seven seasons, HBO’s southern supernatural series ceased. (I’ll ease up on the alliteration, I promise.)

(Spoilers for Season Seven follow…)

My friends over at Geek Girl Soup had asked some of their associates (including me!) for thoughts and predictions about the final season of True Blood. I cobbled together twenty one predictions and posted them before the season. Boldly. Now it’s time to see how I did.

Spoiler alert: I cheat and use creative math. Each question could score 5 points.

Predictions:

• The feral vampires from the end of last season will only be a problem for the first half of this final season.

Right on! 5 points.

• Sookie won’t end up with Bill, Eric, Alcide, or Sam.

I’m two for two! 5 points.

• Sam will kill at least one supernatural creature that isn’t a vampire, werewolf, shifter, or maenad.

D’oh. Sam was particularly ineffective this season. I don’t think he killed anything other than my prediction. 0 points.

• We won’t see Sookie in her waitress outfit more than two episodes (if at all!)

Yeah, remember when this show was about a telepathic waitress? Me neither. 5 points.

• Despite the promo picture of Sookie crying blood, she will not be turned into a vampire this season.

Seriously? People fell for that promo? 5 points.

• In the second half of the season, someone from a new Authority will have a meeting with Bill.

Grrrr. Okay, I was so close.

But instead of a re-formed Authority trying to re-establish control over vampires, it’s their associates: the Yakuza. And instead of Bill as their connection, Eric Northman is elected. 2 points, for vaguely hitting on an evil underground organization strong arming one of our vampire leads.

• Those really ugly faeries from a few seasons ago (the evil ones who were trying to keep Sookie from returning to the real world) will be back.

Nearly a total miss. Luckily Bill talked about the grotesque Queen Mab and the misshapen faeries. I’m claiming 1 point.

• Eric isn’t dead, but he was badly hurt by the flames and had to take his sweet time recovering. (This is perhaps the easiest prediction to make.)

Eric lives!

He survived the end of last season! 5 points.

• Jason’s vampire mistress/enslaver will get staked.

I was using poetic language to state that Violet would end up dead. The actual staking wasn’t the important thing, but I’ll be gracious and only score it as 4 points, not 5.

• Jason and Jessica will end up together.

😦 I was invested in those two beautiful kids. They did get together. Then, moved on. 2 points, for the time they were together.

• Pam, Tara, and Hoyt’s mom will die. (Not necessarily together, or for the same reasons. I’m just dropping the boom on some characters.

If only Pam had died too! That Pam! I feel the Tara death offsets some of the loss, so I’m scoring 4 points.

• Lafayette will use his powers to talk to Terry Bellefleur.

Crap. Instead, Arlene did. But at least Terry Bellefleur appeared this season. 1 point.

• Lafayette will survive the season.

Despite having a pretty lame season, he survived. 5 points.

• Hoyt will return to Bon Temps.

Yes he did, Bubba. 5 points!

• Sarah Newlin will not survive the season as a human, so she’ll either be killed or turned.

Gah. She’s being kept alive as a blood-whore.

Look, I’m giving myself 1 point, just because she was so important to the plot this season, and the revenge on her was pretty brutal.

• Any plot involving werewolves will be super-boring, unless the werewolves are killing feral vampires.

Thankfully, they killed Alcide as soon as they could. No one cared. No one cared so much the wolf pack never showed up. 5 points.

• Andy Bellefleur will end up with a human wife and a fae wife.

Well, at least he got married to Holly. I was sure he’d have to marry that one faerie to make up for losing over half of his children. 2 points.

• At the very end of the season, there won’t be any vampires anymore (or the active vampire population will be a number on the decline.)

Ugh. Goose egg. The vampires are not substantially in decline. 0 points.

I could argue that with Hep V still around, and New Blood not being a total cure (it couldn’t be, otherwise $100,000 for Newlin’s actual blood is stupid) then it would only take Sarah’s death, sabotage at New Blood, or a mutation in Hepatitis V to set the vampire population back in decline. But, still, 0 points.

• Why so few vampires? I’m predicting a cure for vampirism.

Nope. It looked like they were going with Sookie’s Blood and the Hep V almost curing Bill of vampirism, since she was beginning to hear his thoughts. But no. 0 points.

• If there is a cure for vampirism, faerie blood will end up being the key.

See above. I was so close to points. 0 points.

• If not a cure, then there will be a vampire retreat from human society. (Hedging my bets, yo.)

Nope, no cure for vampirism, and the season totally avoided the reality that vampire mainstreaming is an undead end. 0 points.

So: 57 points. I don’t know if that’s good or bad.

But it isn’t quite accurate.

The underlying prediction I had going was that the show would have to deal with the crumbling status quo between vampires and their human prey.

Nope. The show sidestepped it entirely. -10 points.

So, 47 points. Bummer.

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Images from HBO’s True Blood.

I make no claims to the images, but some claims to the text here. So there.

© Patrick Sponaugle 2014 Some Rights Reserved