It’s that wonderful holiday season, and it’s not only Good King Wenceslas who’s in the seasonal mood. Over at the Joffrey of Podcasts podcast, the esteemed Lannister-Loving (Double El) hosts produced an excellent version of the Twelve Days of Christmas, celebrating King Joffrey’s interests, hobbies, and circumstances.
Bubba and Catfish were cool enough to let me post the lyrics here. By memory. Hopefully I won’t mess it up, for my sake.
Here’s the final verse:
On the Twelfth Day of Winter, King Joffrey Gave to Me
- 12 Heads on Pikes
- 11 Newborn Kittens
- 10 Missing Fingers
- 9 Hours of Torture
- 8 More Bastard Brothers
- 7 Bastard Brothers
- 6 Milk of the Poppies
- 5 Arrow-Ridden Whores
- 4 Foot Tall Uncle
- 3 Dead Starks
- 2 Fiancees
- and a Dead… Butcher’s Boy.
I think the song is great, and I really enjoyed hearing them sing the song on their holiday special podcast. But, and this will probably bring down King Joffrey’s goldcloaks on me, I have a few substitutions that I like better. Verses 5, 6, and 11 are pretty good (the kittens are a pretty dark reference from the books), but I humbly suggest these variants:
- 11 Scarlet Smiles
- 6 Poppies Milking
- 5 Golden Crowns
The red smile that King Joffrey wanted to give Uncle Stannis speaks for itself, “Poppies Milking” has the right cadence as the original, and even though golden crowns are associated with Viserys, it fits the original so well. And you just know His Grace would enjoy pouring Lannister gold on traitors if the notion came to him.
Look, if you just listen to one Game of Thrones related podcast, it should obviously be A Cast of Kings with David Chen and Joanna Robinson.
But if you can manage two podcasts, then certainly add in the Beyond the Wall podcast from SpecFicMedia.
But if you can only listen to three Game of Thrones podcasts, then by all means, go check out The Joffrey of Podcasts. Especially if you want to hear a podcast from the Lannister point of view.
Don’t trust Littlefinger, but trust me.
Image from the Joffrey of Podcasts, obviously.
I make no claim to the artwork, nor to the original lyrics for the Joffrey of Podcasts Twelve Days of Winter. Bubba and Catfish were truly cool to let me post their lyrics. I hope you folks go check them out.
© Patrick Sponaugle 2013 Some Rights Reserved
I Can't Possibly Be Wrong All the Time 
I liked ’11 scarlet smile’. This is so Joffery. horrendous. and ‘8 more bastard brothers’ ? LOL I can’t believe I haven’t heard this podcast.
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I love The Joffrey of Podcasts podcast. They have a lot of entertaining angles, chapters from King Joff’s point of view, how Ned Stark’s beheading was just a misunderstanding, really. Etc. It’s pretty fun.
Thank you for the feedback!
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You really dig Dave Chen’s podcast best of all? The first season of Clash of Kings taught me there could be too much Dave Chen in one’s listening line up. The Waffle King as I call him can be infuriating with his legendary thin skin and outrageous claims. I listen to the /Filmcast where his co-hosts keep him in line better than Ms Robinson. Think I should give them a try again?
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The A Cast of Kings podcast kind of hit me at the right time. I was traveling during the summer of 2012 (to a funeral) and I needed a solid block of podcasts for the trip. I downloaded the 10 episodes covering season two, and really enjoyed them.
I was angry that I had not been listening during the show so I could email in to argue with Dave, and agree with Joanna.
Anyway, I know there are a lot of great GoT podcasts out there that I haven’t listened to, and I’ve had friends listen to Dave and Joanna and not be hooked (I blame Dave. Always Dave…) but I just have a soft spot for them and give them my #1 vote. Even though I’m really chummy with the Beyond the Wall folks, and adore their more casual fan podcast. (Casual not in their love of the show, but in the format: they’re more “hanging out talking” style.)
I think the ACoK coverage for Season Three was a bit more balanced, Dave was a bit more accepting that he was watching a fantasy, and therefore (gasp) there would occasionally be magic.
But I appreciate the feedback, man. Thanks for talking Chen with me.
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